Home Again

July 5

Hello Everyone,

I got home safely from Tanzania and have been in the states for about
two weeks now. Getting settled back into life here has taken a little
time, so I am just now sitting down to follow-up with you all on my
trip home!

First of all, everything worked out really well with flight
connections and traveling. A van full of my students and friends
joined me for the hour long drive to the Kilimanjaro airport to say
goodbye! Once in the airport, there was a group of grandmothers who
had been on safari and staying in nice hotels, and one of them gave me
her amazing hamburger and another her amazing chocolate cake! I must
have looked hungry (: But coming from what I had been eating, this
was an immense blessing and a very visible way for me to see God
watching out for me on my trip. In the Nairobi airport I even met a
man who had been doing mission work in Tanzania. From there I flew
to London where i stayed with Ashley and Nick, in their new flat! And
i'm happy to say that Ashley looks very pregnant and beautiful. In
leaving London, my flight was delayed for a day so I managed to change
to a direct flight to LA instead and make it to the wedding I was
trying to get home in time for! So that was an answer to prayer!
Leaving London was a zoo, but a young man offered to help me carry my
bags through the metro since we were going the same way, and it turned
out that his sister was getting ready to go to Arusha to teach
English. And I stood next to a woman from Nigeria on the metro and got
to talk to her briefly. I was excited about all of these ordained
meetings!

I am now back at Pepperdine finishing my last class and adjusting to
Southern Californian culture. Even though I have spent far more time
here than in Africa, the differences between the two countries have
been really evident and poignent for me in coming back. The first
couple days everything represented a high economy and money in my
mind. I was so excited to be home and in my neighborhood, but i
couldn't help being overwhelmed with how everything we did, everything
we have, and everything in our environment represents money that was
not represented in Africa! Everything is clean and new and nice. I
felt shocked that I have lived in Malibu and San Diego, two of the
nicest places in the world. And not just San Diego, but Point Loma!
I couldn't figure out how this has been MY life. I was much more aware
of the priveleges I have had in my life.

I also felt really bombarded with materialism. Instead of rejecting
money because i had been living in poverty, i wanted everything! I
wanted to fit back into my culture: get my nails done and haircut and
new clothes. Because i had just arrived in town i got showered with
food and coffee and comforts at home. Eating at a restaurant that
would have been normal before i left suddenly felt like such a
privelege, and because of that i wanted to eat everything! i felt
like a kid who had been taken off the streets and brought into a candy
shop. But at the same time i felt guilty. And i felt judgmental of
the things people had, even though these things are normal and
appropriate to people here. i had thoughts like "everyone is so
materialistic here, stuff drives our culture," but it was ME who was
feeling swamped with stuff, and to everyone else it was just a normal
part of their life.

I've also had an interesting mix of feeling happy to have space to
myself and my own independence and freedom back, and feeling lonely
for people and community. In Arusha there were always people to be
with. If I was in my room by myself I didn't feel alone because I
could hear people outside my window and I knew I could go talk to
someone whenever I felt like it. People never wanted you to be alone,
because their culture is so relational. So someone would always join
you if you were eating by yourself, or check in on you if they hadn't
seen you all morning. In Malibu, I have to call someone to see them!
Or if I want to just be around people I have to go to Starbucks and do
my homework! Of course, being with people i knew all the time had
it's moments of being a bit much. It's just an interesting change in
my environment. And i have to drive everywhere! Or at least I feel
like i have to drive everywhere.

One of the things I've struggled a lot with in being back is not
seeing visible needs around me. In Africa there were always people to
minister to. There were street children right outside my front door
who needed to be touched and loved. My students needed encouragment
and discipleship. There were always people on base who could use help
and people in town who were hungry. People's needs in our village or
in town were so obvious: they were dirty, wearing ripped and ragged
clothes, barefoot, and had signs of malnutrition. Just saying hello
to some people meant bridging cultural and racial gaps, and it meant
showing them tangible love. Here, people are clean and well fed and
have more than they need. Appearance wise, they are sending the
message that they don't need anything. i want to hug every little kid
i see but in all reality he doesn't really need it: his mom has been
giving him more attention and food and care in a day than some of the
kids i saw get in a life time. And he doesn't crave a hug from a
stranger like the kids in Africa do. So I have been struggling with
where I am needed in my own culture. I know that looking past these
appearances, people's souls need the same ministering to, and people
are hurting and lonely. Our needs aren't as visible and on the
surface as the needs in Africa, but they are still there. But in
coming home, I have felt like our well kept and well provided for
appearances create a barrier in ministering to each other. (at least
in my seeing people to minister to!)

It's also funny going from being a teacher to being a student. Being
a student is so much easier! I just have to sit and listen to my
professor, understand what he is saying, and then do some studying.
It takes way less energy listening and applying than instructing and
teaching. I'm taking a very basic math class but i am having so much
fun being a student! and having been out of school for a year i am so
hungry to be learning. i think this is a good sign in starting
Seminary (:

So, those are the main things i have been experiencing in being back.
Thank you again for all of your prayers during my time in Africa.
Your support and prayers equipped me and gave me strength to do the
work that God had given me there. Going to Africa made it so much
clearer to me that God has things in store for my life that i couldn't
even imagine given my so much smaller scope of things. He may give me
a glimpse of something he has for me, through giving me the dream or
desire to do something, but His fufillment of that dream entails so
much than i could ever have imagined! Life with God is such an
adventure with so many options, ordained encounters, blessings,
growth, and opportunities to use your gifts and therefore be fulfilled
in the very core of your existence. God's plan is so much better than
the plans i have for my own life! And that is the hugest
understatement of the year! I think He gives us dreams and visions
and desires, and then when we step out in faith and let Him fufill
them He blesses us tenfold. What an amazing God, to not only give us
dreams and desires but to bless us in the fulfillment of them.

If you feel called to continue to pray for me, please pray for my
preperation in going to Fuller (housing, financial aid, registering
for classes, jobs/internships, home church in Pasadena). Please also
pray for me during this transition, that I would be able to find ways
to serve here and feel purposeful.

Thank you again. You each have had faithful hearts of ministry in
taking part in this trip with me! I couldn't have done it without you.

God bless,
Christina